I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize