Pappa wants mamma naked
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
