I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Randomize
