Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
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