Where did you get a picture of my penis
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize
