Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
