so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
and you fell through a lawn chair
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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