my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
