So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
