R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
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