No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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