his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
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