I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Randomize
