At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
