just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
