it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
