She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
