there's paper in my vomit.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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