well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
