im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
