Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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