Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
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