so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
