I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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