Well douche your snatch and let's go!
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Randomize
