All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
