you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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