I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
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