i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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