And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
