you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Randomize
