I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Randomize
