I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
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