Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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