I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
