Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Randomize
