Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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