Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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