So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
