I'm going to rape someone's good day.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
