He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
