dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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