she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
