next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Randomize
