My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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