I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Randomize