Pappa wants mamma naked
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
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