I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize
