just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
