Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize