College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
