pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
