i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
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