Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize