I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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