You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Randomize
