ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
Is it because I queefed?
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
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