I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Randomize
