you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
