You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
