My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
