So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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