my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
